Career Sales Pitch: Do you like the idea of writing an intellectual analysis of a cartoon about two moronic teens? Do you enjoy being contrarian for the sake of it? Are you completely out of touch with the rest of society, living in your own self-made bubble of reality with tastes completely out of alignment with other humans?
Do you feel superior pointing out how something beloved is actually terrible, or arguing people “just don’t get it” when they dislike an obviously bad movie or show?
If so, congrats! You’ve checked all the boxes for the guidance counselor to declare you a prime candidate for the illustrious career of Movie Critic! I’m picking on movie critics for the sake of this article, but the CRITICisms apply to all manner and sort of these people.
I take issue with my title here: “Have become useless & obsolete.” They have pretty much always been so, but there was a time when their opinions were less polarizing and more mainstream. Siskel & Ebert had some consistently predictable preferences. Gene was a stiff and uppity, Roger was more regular Joe. You’d end up siding with one or the other, but each had fair takes on things.
These days, head on over to Rottentomatoes.com and view the disaster that has become modern movie criticism. The average person has far too easy access to a platform to get their horrible opinion out in the Ether – critics used to have to be employed by a network or real publication – now it’s any loser who has or appears on a blog. Like this one.
Like a tiny dog, these invisible critics need to yap louder to garner attention. They write opinions that oppose public views just to appear, and make themselves feel, superior. “Oh, I can’t laugh at potty humor, I’m SO evolved.”
Ignore critical opinions next time you decide what to watch, their view on entertainment so very often is whacked far out of alignment with popular opinion. A recent example is the latest outing of Ant Man and the Wasp – check out the disparity between the Tomatometer and audience score:
I think these critics touch themselves in the mirror as they write their opinion pieces. “Yeah I sound so smart. I’m holding Chris Rock to such a high standard because I’m so woke and it’s okay that I’m obese because it’s become cancellable to call me fat even though my cholesterol is through the roof and an angioplasty is on the horizon but you can’t make comments about my weight.” That’s what runs through these creature’s minds as they write a review – how burdensome it must be to wrangle such emotional depth and genius.
Critics are down there with paparazzi for the lowliest of low occupations.
Criticize this, I dare you!